DEAR MEXICAN: I wasn’t born in this country, however I got below at the age of 10. I was born in Mexico and live in Houston, a city that is bursting at the seams along with Mexicans and Latinos from every country south of the border. I believe I have actually the solution to every one of this immigration debate. The light bulb went on just recently once I was attending a morning meal place on by big-time real-estate developers at a five-star hotel. They were pitching brand-new communities being built in resort cities beginning at a mere half a million dollars. So why not simply annex Mexico? It would certainly make it simpler for rich gabachos to go south along with their cash and develop several jobs.
DEAR COCONUT: Isn’t that just what NAFTA did?
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DEAR MEXICAN: every one of my Mexican friends are second- or third-generation and relate to Mexico in a generic way, however are shaky on the details of history. Which grupo should they hang with? The bloodthirsty “we’re below to kill you and steal every one of your stuff” conquistadores, or the “reduce out your beating heart and worship anything that moves” indios?
White That Likes Brown Power
DEAR GABACHO: Gabachas, of course—the blonder, the better!
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DEAR MEXICAN: Why is it that you guys group yourselves eight-deep in to a pickup truck cab that wouldn’t hold me, my huntin’ pet and my girlfriend, then drive down the freeway slower compared to Canadian snowbirds lookin’ for Sun City? Virtually makes me wish to reach spine and get my deer rifle outta the rack!
Road-Raged Red Neck
DEAR GABACHO: You do that, boy, and every one of those Mexicans will certainly pour from the camioneta and provide you some excellent ol’ fashioned chingazos Enjoy we constantly do—and there’s your answer.
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DEAR MEXICAN: I’m heading to graduate school for Mexican history, and I had a professor of Chicano studies call me a Mexicanist. have actually you heard of this term before? And just what does it mean?
DEAR WOMAN FROM SONORA: Yes, I’ve heard of the term—it means your professor is an insecure pendejo.
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DEAR MEXICAN: I adore your articles and would certainly invite you to El Tepayac in Boyle Heights for a burrito, however I don’t have actually sufficient bus fare for the 47 family members you will certainly possibly delivering along. However, I necessity some adore advice. I believe I truly fancy a Mexican lady That frequently recycles cans and bottles from about my neighborhood. She’s, like, a 7 from 10, wears jeans and boots, and looks as though she Can easily truly please the ideal sort of guy. I’m a middle-aged güero gabacho who isn’t unpleasant to look at. just what ought to I claim to make her bed me?
Huevos Oaxaca Rellenos Nuevo Yucatan
DEAR OAXACAN EGGS brand-new YUCATAN RELLENOS: Whisper, “Soy un pendejito gabacho con verga de pulga, y huevos de chavala“—you’ll get hold of just what a great gabacho such as on your own deserves!